


swimming in circles

by flambydelrabies



Category: Tales of Crestoria
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks, Frottage, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Heavy prose, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:56:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26118370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flambydelrabies/pseuds/flambydelrabies
Summary: There was no reason for him to be here, for his chest to burn so strongly he worried his Stain of Guilt would seep through his skin and run through his veins. He wasn’t a sinner.He wasn’t.[on Aegis' sin, and loss and grief and guilt.]
Relationships: Aegis Alver/Vicious
Comments: 3
Kudos: 50





	swimming in circles

**Author's Note:**

> Alright so, i'm a diehard zelloyd right? but vicious/aegis has grabbed me by the throat and made me its bitch, so you can probably expect more Crestoria fics from me about them. A lot of what I write is heavy prose, and I wanted to take that and make it aecious, and I ended up with whatever this is. This fic is dedicated to Brynn and Ageha, the later of whom was awesome enough to beta this for me, so I hope you enjoy as much as I loved writing it.

_[IS THE UNDERCURRENT CALLING YOU HOME?]_

The Nation of Sin stood tall and proud, surely as much as a den of transgressors who evaded enforcers could. There was no pride in what they were, white-knuckled sinners who had been condemned with the impact of a body hitting pavement. The pride was born from the resilience of waking up each morning with a brand over their hearts and choosing to live another day, lather, rinse, repeat--

As Aegis paces through creaking docks and ramshackle buildings that look nothing like the palace he’d called home, he feels anything but proud.

Here he was, living the life of a transgressor, cowering in silence from people identical to the righteous knight he was mere days ago: those who were greedily upholding what they thought to be right without a degree of forgiveness. He’s not like the people of this city who share his Stain of Guilt, he thinks; the good ones are always the ones who think of themselves as valiant. He’d never known any different.

_[WHAT’S YOUR SIN THEN, BOY?]_

Aegis shudders as the wind grazes through his hair, silver like the moonlight above as he watches it dart and flicker against the edges of his vision. Up until days ago, he hadn’t made a single mistake in his life. He did everything right. He played by the rules, built a life of honour out of dedication and the mere scraps he’d been dealt as a child. There was no reason for him to be here, for his chest to burn so strongly he worried his Stain of Guilt would seep through his skin and run through his veins. He wasn’t a sinner.

He wasn’t.

_[BUT DID YOU LOVE HER?]_

_‘Did I?’_ he asks himself, each word clawing its way up to consciousness before splattering against the ground. _Did he?_

A rough hand grabs him by the shoulder, shaking Aegis from his trance and back into the reality where he _was_ a sinner and all he could do was keep running, the same as everyone in this godforsaken city. 

“You’re awfully quiet there, knighty-boy.”

A click and turn of Aegis’ heel spinning against the wood grain of the docks, and the knight finds himself face-to-face with the Great Transgressor, whose grip against him only tightens. He’d sooner let his spine be torn from skin than spend another moment with Vicious.

_[MAYBE THEN YOU’D REALLY BE SPINELESS]_

“Leave me be, Vicious,” he says with a voice that channels the fire that seared above his heart, burning into his skin like a brand, as if it weren’t already one. His thoughts had raced through an endless loop for days, thinking back to the dungeon of the castle and

_[DID YOU LOVE HER DID YOU LOVE HER DID YOU LOVE HER]_

The Queen’s body is on the ground and she’s gasping, each frantic breath harsh and constricted as if any one of them could be her last, and Aegis reaches for her, his arm extended until it could have been ripped from its very socket with any more force, until her lips purse and she whispers

_[aegis, please tell me you love me]_

and he can’t say it back. Every nerve ending is on fire and he can’t reach any further until his white glove turns red and it’s her blood on his hands and nobody else’s, how noble he was, and how far the mighty must fall, and his amber eyes widen as her body goes limp and

_[AEGIS PLEASE TELL ME YOU LOVE ME EVEN IF ITS A LIE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE--]_

then he’s back to the present, where everything burns not from the blood in his body draining to the ground but from the Stain of Guilt seeping poison through his veins. He looks Vicious in the eyes and scowls, each scoff from his lips cold and world-ending in nature. The other man smiles a grin like tar.

“Think it’s best I don’t leave ya alone, actually. Couldn’t afford to let you jump and fall to your death or somethin’ out here. Definitely wouldn’t past it ya at this point, with how much you’ve been sulking around here.”

_[AND WHAT WAS YOUR SIN, BOY?]_

He couldn’t get her body out of his head, the way her arms splayed as if lying in a field of roses rather than gold and jewels she’d never asked for strewn among her own viscera. He didn’t love her. _Did he?_ Was that his sin?

_[aegispleasetellmeyoulovemepleasepleaseplease]_

“If you aren’t going to leave me be, then I ask you don’t irritate me further, Transgressor.”

Vicious laughs, as if Aegis had just told a joke so funny it’d split his sides in two. “C’mon, yer hardly one to be tossin’ around terms like Transgressor as if you’re not one of us now!”

Particles of dust and debris coulded the air and Aegis was close enough that he could have reached out and grabbed Vicious by the godforsaken collar if he so chose. 

And in that moment he bit his tongue until he worried he’d choke to death on all the blood, and his arms reached out the same way they did that day and it burned,

_[pleasepleaseplease squelch gasp choke]_

And then he does exactly that. He grabs the sheets of black flowing fabric until their faces are inches apart and Vicious’ breath is hot and wet on Aegis’ burning cheeks. The Great Transgressor exhales and he smells like alcohol and the cigarettes he’d light with the blaze from the tip of his gun and it makes the knight feel sick to his stomach in the most alluring way possible.

He’d never met someone like Vicious, who owned their sin and wore it like a badge of honour against his skin for all to see. That wasn’t a good thing, he knew, but at least it was _brave--_

_[BRAVE IS MORE THAN YOU’LL EVER BE SPINELESS BOY]_

The day she died, the caverns of the palace were as dimly lit and dreary as the sky above, each torch illuminating the winding pathways until he saw red and

oh

so

much

blood 

and he couldn’t even say he loved her even as she begged and pleaded and her trembling fingers reached towards him and he couldn’t say it he couldn’t say it he couldn't say it

_[DID YOU LOVE HER? DID YOU LOVE HER? YOU NEVER LOVED HER, SELFISH BOY]_

\--until Vicious smiles again and it’s as toxic as everything else about him. Aegis stands, shaking like a scared animal _(is he scared? He’s not a sinner, not really, not truly, so what is there to be scared of? Spineless, useless--)_ and for a moment he thinks of cutting the tension by crushing their bodies together, because everyone needs something to use to make the pain go away.

But that would have made him a sinner. He was a transgressor, but never a _sinner._

Vicious, however, was a transgressor with a name that betrayed nothing, a beast barely in repose on the best of days, who smashed their lips together of his own selfish volition until Aegis kissed back.

He didn’t know why he did.

_[YOU’RE TRYING SO HARD BUT YOU DON’T EVEN REALIZE YOUR SIN YET?]_

He was right. He never loved the Queen and that’s why he couldn’t say it, even if her dying words were her frantic voice panting his name until her body lay still against the cold ground.

Aegis told himself he loved her, though. He convinced himself until he couldn’t anymore, the same way he swam in circles trying so hard to tell himself he was still righteous even though he couldn’t lie to a woman on her deathbed.

_[SPINELESS, TRULY]_

Their lips collide, messy and brutal, and Aegis still tastes the vodka on Vicious’ tongue. He doesn’t complain, because the release is all he needs to numb that thing inside of him that only twists and burns and screams.

Vicious stops, grabs the other boy by the hair and wrenches their faces apart. “If that’s how you’re gonna play,” he stops for another heaving breath, “then we might as well take this somewhere a little more private, yeah?”

Aegis has no time to respond before he’s pulled-- _dragged,_ really, by his wrists that had otherwise moved to dangle uselessly at his sides--into the alleyways out of sight, illuminated only by the light from windows above just like the dungeon where

_[WHY DID YOU GET TO LIVE AND SHE HAD TO DIE?]_

he cast the thought from his mind; every time that day spun through his head it was like tearing down the boards in a condemned house, but the only thing condemned was him and the Stain that rested above his heart.

A slam, sharp and pounding, and his back is against the wall without a second thought. Aegis feels a hand creeping his leg, pressing against him, and there was nothing left in him that could have resisted.

He didn’t want to, anyways.

Vicious’ body vibrates against his and he can feel every inch of him pressing, shaking, such pleasure from only the faintest touches, until he opens his mouth and breathes-- 

“So, you finally figured out what your sin is?”

Aegis doesn’t answer, instead only gritting his teeth and gripping Vicious tighter. Every exhale felt like it weighed a thousand pounds, until he leaned into the other’s ear and whispered

_[please please please]_

because he’s not thinking of her or that dimly lit dungeon where she met her demise, even as he repeated her words in someone else’s ear, and all he wanted was _more._ Instead, Vicious laughs.

“You used her, the same way you’re using me _right now.”_

Aegis stops, wide-eyed and as raw as an open wound, but he stays silent. It was all he could do, really. Silence for a spineless boy.

The Great Transgressor lived up to his name with every thrust and rough, calloused touch he inflicted upon the other boy, until he laughed the same way he always did with a venomous mouth.

“I’ll still give ya what you want, though--” he hisses between breaths, “--seeing as we’ve already made it this far.”

Waves of pleasure rush through Aegis’ body in a shuddering climax, a burning sensation that proved a stark contrast to the searing of the sin over his heart. “I--” he grunts and stammers, before Vicious cuts him off with a rough kiss, until finally, he pulls away.

Vicious cups Aegis by the chin, jerking him upwards to meet his gaze. “Just know one thing. You’re no better than the rest of us here,” he pauses, smirking-- _“Transgressor.”_

The Great Transgressor walks away, every torn and ragged piece of his coat billowing in the distance until he is lost, just as Aegis was in this very moment. He stood in place with a body filled with lead, shoving all his sadness inside of him until it overflowed in the form of soft weeping.

In the end, they both got what they wanted.

_[AND EVERYTHING HE DESERVED]_


End file.
